Buckle Up Buttercup
Lumpectomy is tomorrow afternoon. There’s no turning back now.
I’ve hit what I suppose is Stage Two of this journey now. Surgery is scheduled. Decisions have been made. Lumpectomy is tomorrow afternoon. There’s no turning back now.
Have you ever ridden a really tall roller coaster? The anticipation of the climb up that first hill. That clickety-clack that makes your heart start to race a little faster. That’s a little what my time in The Grey Area has felt like the last month and a half I think. A continuous flux of anticipation and anxiety.
Generally, I love roller coasters. I love that rush of anticipation. I enjoy the element of surprise and the flashes of questions as we are inching our way up to the top. Just what is over that hump when we get to the top? How big will that drop be? How many twists and turns will there be? How long will this ride last? I’ve got the same questions running through my mind. I start to understand how people don’t like roller coasters. But, I’ve got this – right?
Buckle Up Buttercup
Our Breast Care Clinic has a multi-disciplinary team and works to provide wrap-around care as much as possible. When I first met with my surgeon, I was given a binder of materials along with a copy of Breast Cancer Treatment Handbook. I was not only thrilled to a get a book (I’m a total bibliophile) but I was grateful. Reading through it was an extremely valuable for me – and relaxing. When questions pop into my head, I can often find some kind of answer in there and not get distracted by rabbit holes like I do when I look things up on the internet. Plus, I like the concrete feeling of being able to highlight and take notes. I feel like I can do something to help myself and not have to remain a passive passenger on this roller coaster.
This handbook has more than informational chapters and words of inspiration and quotes from breast cancer warriors. It has a section of tear-out worksheets to help plan visits to doctors, take notes, and make decisions about treatments. The first of these worksheets is page titled “Cancer Can’t Rob Me”. Kneece’s wisdom on that page resonated with me as soon as I read it. I shared a pic of that page in the Facebook group. It was hard to read that way, so I retyped it as an infographic to share with my Pink Sisters (as we call each other). The more I read it, the more it resonates.
Cancer can not rob me. I can choose how to focus my energy. That doesn’t mean I’m not still anxious or feel trepidation. It doesn’t mean that I have any more answers than I did when I started typing this, but it is a little like pulling down on the safety bar and hearing the click of the harness when I board a roller coaster. I feel more secure. I feel more like this roller coaster can fly over the hill and around the twists and turns now, but I’m strapped in. My safety harness is tight. I don’t have to grip the handrails super tight to stay on this ride. I’ll keep my feet in at all times, but I think I just might throw my arms up again. Yep. I’ve got this!
Click. Click. Click…. Here we goooooooooooooooooooooo.